Eat The Oysters and Run - Ocean Avenue Seafood

1401 Ocean Avenue
Santa Monica, CA 90401
T: (310) 394-5669
www.oceanave.com
HAPPY HOUR: 4-6:30pm

Sick of my usual Happy Hour haunts, I decided to give Ocean Avenue Seafood a shot. As you know, I'm somewhat of a seafood fiend, so their menu really inspired me - oysters on the half shell ($1.25 each), calamari, lobster taquitoes, crabcakes - you catch my drift. I skipped lunch and prepped myself for a full on gorge fest.

I had convinced a number of co-workers to join me in my virgin voyage to Ocean Avenue. The only problem is, their Happy Hour ends at 6:30pm and we usually don't get out of work until AFTER that. This particular day we all made it (as I had informed them that Happy Hour was over at 6pm, by mistake), and we scrambled to find parking (bitchus majorus) and make it inside the joint before they pulled the plug on cheap everything. Once Happy Hour is over, Ocean Avenue Seafood turns into a very expensive seafood joint that caters to old folks and cheesy tourists.

The food is good, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed every last bite. The drinks, however, are another story. I tried the house Happy Hour drink and gagged, sending it back for my usual vodka tonic. It was some frou frou mess with a maraschino cherry and what I believe was Malibu Rum. Ick. I think I've blocked the name of it from my memory. DON'T GET IT. If you're going to ruin your liver, do it with something that won't make you cringe when you swallow it.

The worst part about Ocean Avenue Seafood is the decor. For such a great location (across the street from the Santa Monica Pier and next to Sushi Roku), the decor is best described as Red Lobster meets the Holiday Inn - bad. Bad wood pannelling and bad carpet (if I remember correctly), TVs hanging over your head in the bar area, and bad lighting from bad light fixtures. It's straight UGH.

Don't even think about finding booty here. There's none to be found. Maybe if you press your face against the Sushi Roku window, some hot young thing will take pity on you and invite you to join them.

Needless to say, THIS IS NOT A DATE PLACE, unless you're dating Grampa Joe. This place has somewhat of a geriatric feel to it. If you go to Ocean Avenue Seafood's Happy Hour, just go to eat and maybe watch a game.

This, of course, is just a review of their Happy Hour. I have no idea what the rest of the restaurant is like. Happy Hour is in a small contained area near the bar, very close to the front entrance.

Ocean Avenue Seafood gets:
Food: 8 shots out of 10
Drinks: 5 shots out of 10
Booty Potential: 3 shots out of 10
Ambience: 3 shots out of 10
Overall: 5 shots out of 10

Cheap Sushi Slut - Chaya Venice

110 Navy Street
Venice, CA 90291
(310) 396-1179
www.thechaya.com
HAPPY HOUR: 5-7pm Daily

Despite the fact that I witnessed one of the worst public displays of affection at the bar here, Chaya is still a personal favorite. The restaurant itself is delish but on the pricey side, so if you're a penny pincher like me, have lunch or dinner only if it's on someone else's expense account.

Happy Hour happens in the bar area where tables are scarce. If you show up past 6pm, plan on standing by the bar and sipping your drink while you lean over your buddies to get to the sushi. It's a great place to people watch, as it tends to be the single thirty-something crowd desperate for some Venice ass. It's a lot of entertainment types - executives, assistants, and actors, but the vibe is nice and positive, and the waitstaff generally pleasant and on it. If you show some boob and bat your lashes, you'll probably get some free drinks.

Chaya's Happy Hour does not include drinks, sadly. But their Happy Hour menu makes up for it, especially if you're in the mood for some sushi/seafood and don't have a lot of cash on you. Food ranges from $3-$4 (amazing!) for a good number of delightful delectables, ranging from Spicy Tuna Tartar to the Chef's Special sushi roll. If you dig mussels, calamari and the old standby, spicy tuna rolls, you should definitely hit up their Happy Hour and chow.

A visit to Chaya wouldn't be complete if you didn't get the Warm Fallen Chocolate Cake ($6.50) for dessert. It takes fifteen minutes to prepare but is well worth the wait. Bide your time by watching the ugliest people in the joint make out at the bar (I'm still traumatized from that incident), but know that one of the best chocolate desserts ever made is awaiting you. It's served with raspberry coulis and vanilla ice cream. With a nice cup of coffee it's better than - well, almost... If you miss Happy Hour, come here for dessert.

Chaya's Happy Hour gets:
Food: 9 shots out of 10
Drinks: 6 shots out of 10 (only because you're paying full price)
Booty Potential: 7 out of 10 (maybe higher if you're looking for an older sugar daddy)
Ambience: 7.5 out of 10 (tends to get a little too crowded)
Overall: 7.8 out of 10

I suggest coming here if you're hungry and want a drink after work. I wouldn't suggest their Happy Hour if you're on a date (tends to be noisy and crowded), but it's a nice date place for dinner. Meet your buds here after work, and if your friends don't like seafood they better grab a sandwich at Schatzi's, which is right next door. Chaya is great for people watching and making fun of the desperados, but also a nice place to stuff your bellies before bar hopping along Main St.

The New Hotspot - Beechwood

822 W. Washington Blvd., Venice, CA 90292 (at Abbot and Washington)
T: (310) 448-8884
BAR MENU: 6pm-11pm Tues-Sat, 6pm-12am Sun-Mon
www.beechwoodrestaurant.com

Beechwood is the new spot that's still relatively unknown enough to make you seem cool if you know about it. While they don't have a Happy Hour, I'm including it to let you know just how cool I am.

The decor is straight out of the Design Within Reach catolog. The space is hipster cool, perfect for the Westside trustfund kids who wear ripped jeans and brooding expressions. The lighting is nice and moody, and the outside patio has a fire pit that makes it ideal for friendly gatherings. I foresee this becoming the new Birthday joint.

We only spent time in the bar area, so I have no idea what the back restaurant is like. The latest craze with food these days is small wannabe tapas dishes, which is certainly the case with their bar menu. We had the shittake mushroom broth and the marinated skirt steak and frites, which sounded good on the menu but tasted like a large guinea pig salt lick. The food was SO salty, I had to down my vodka tonic and a glass of water to regain feeling on my tongue. My cohort loves salty food, and it was too salty for HIM. Of course, this may not be the fairest evaluation of their food based on two plates, but it was enough to make me never want to pay for their over-priced bar menu again. I feel like I'm still retaining water from my visit two weeks ago.

My summation of this joint: come here to have an after dinner drink with your date, he/she will be impressed. It's a nice place with good ambience to ease you into some date night sucky face. The dessert menu sounds divine and I might try something if I come back, but the food is on my blacklist unless someone forces the pressed pulled pork sandwich down my throat and I actually like it.

I think the run-off from the Shane crowd will make this place their new hangout. It's a little bit Hollywood with that Westside cool factor. We were sure John Stamos was sitting at the bar - it's that kind of place.

Beechwood gets:
Food: 3 shots out of 10
Drinks: 7 shots out of 10
Booty Potential: 7 shots out of 10
Ambience: 8 shots out of 10 (more if you can get a couch)
Overall: 6.8 out of 10

Westside Silicon - Shane on Main St.

2424 Main Street, Santa Monica, CA 90405
T: (310) 396-4122
HAPPY HOUR: 5pm-7pm

It's quite possible that I'm the only one going to Shane without fake boobs. It's definitely a see-and-be-seen scene for the 21-35 yr. old crowd. The clientele is more Hollywood and Vine than Abbot Kinney, and while it's more than likely that everyone imbibing in the bar has a headshot, their Happy Hour is simply FABULOUS.

The Happy Hour drink menu consists of a long list of $4.95 specialty martinis that are super yummy and truly get the job done. My favorite is the Zen Tini, a berry-flavored cinammon concoction that will give you that warm and fuzzy feeling - it's that good. You'll keep drinking and drinking and drinking until everyone in the place looks as good as the food. These are frou frou drinks that aren't of the strawberry daiquiri ilk - guys can get away with drinking these and not feel like a homo. They're potent alcoholic beverages hidden behind sugared ginger and cinammon sticks, just the way I like it.

They have an extensive Happy Hour food menu ($3- $10) that includes my favorite Happy Hour food of all time - Fried Calamari. If you ain't down with the fishy stuff, they have pizzas, chicken skewers, and guacamole (that's supposedly made to order). They're big into presentation, and the shrimp and chiken skewers come with a mini fire-pot to sear your sticks even further. Just keep your silicon boobies away from the flame.

Now, the crowd is another thing. They're good looking and/or ugly people who think they're really good looking. Unlike the Arsenal, I wouldn't say these peeps are very approachable. But if you're looking for the faux celeb types on the Westside, this is the place for you. It's a good place to eat and get trashed with your friends, great for a first or second date (lighting to make the even the fugliest look decent), and excellent for people watching. If you're an actor or "in a band", you'll like it a lot just for posing and hanging out.

The decor is cool, but I think they spent $0 remodelling the bathroom, so get your quads in shape to squat over the toilet.

Shane's Happy Hour gets:
Food: 8 shots out of 10
Drinks: 8 shots out of 10
Booty Potential: 7 shots out of 10
Ambience: 8 shots out of 10
Overall: 8 shots out of 10

You'll need quarters because there's only metered parking to be found.

Up Your Arsenal - The Arsenal

12012 W. Pico Blvd. - 1/2 block east of Bundy
T: (310) 575-5511
HAPPY HOUR - 5pm-7pm

The Arsenal is an old favorite from my days of cruising the bar scene for ass. The lighting is great (dark), the Happy Hour drinks are SUPER cheap, and the food is pretty good, too.

Parking is kind of a bitch, but that's pretty much true for every bar on the Westside. A couple of times I have found parking closer to Liquid Kitty, another bar down the street, and gone there instead. But I'll always love the Arsenal for their open air side patio - you can smoke out there. When I used to smoke, this was a really good thing.

They have a FULL BAR (HALLELUJAH!) during happy hour. All well drinks are $4 and wine is close to that price as well. This means you can get hammered and grow the cojones you need to talk to that hottie across the bar for about $8, depending on your Body Mass Index.

The Sliders are a favorite Happy Hour nibbly. They're three mini burgers that are simply delish. The Happy Hour food menu is somewhat sparse - Sliders, Crudite, Chicken Skewers and Ciabatta Bread - but they're all very good and around $5.

The crowd is nice, but has its off days, as do most bars. It tends to be young and horny. This is definitely a meat market, and with beer goggles on, you're bound to get at least a couple of numbers. The vibe is good and this is a great place to meet friends or just get really, really fucked up.

The bar can get crowded, a bit too crowded, so if that drives you nuts go during the week. This is a great first date place, but can get noisy because of the crowds, so have your get-to-know-you conversation outside and then makeout in the bar.

The Arsenal gets:
Food: 7.5 shots out of 10
Drinks: 9 shots out of 10
Booty Potential: 8 shots out of 10
Ambience: 8 shots out of 10
Overall: 8 shots out of 10

But Arsenal, why did you have to take Mac n' Cheese off your Happy Hour menu? -sigh-

Globe Trotting - The Globe, Venice

72 Market Street (Between Pacific and Speedway) Venice, CA 90291
T: (310) 392-8720
HAPPY HOUR: 5pm-7pm, 10pm-12am, Tuesday through Saturday

The Globe is a great restaurant, though expensive. Their Happy Hour is a great way to take advantage of the food for not a lot of money. It's a hidden jewel in the middle of Venice, especially for Oyster lovers like myself. If you hate Oysters, there's a full menu of other delectables that you'll like. This is a step above your normal Happy Hour fare, though not the best choice if you're looking for finger foods. They have a menu of Paninis, Housemade Pastas (Mac n' Cheese - DELISH), Gourmet Pizzas, aforementioned Oysters and Shrimp cocktail. Food ranges from $.75 an Oyster (WHAT A BARGAIN) to $10 Spaghetti Bolognese.

However, if you're looking to score with some hotties, this is NOT the Happy Hour to go to. The crowd is a bit older (40+) and I would say, somewhat leathery. If that's your thing, go for it. They're probably rich.

The ambience is nice, it reads more upscale restaurant than watering hole. The lighting is OK in the bar area, so don't come here on a first date. This is more of a third date let's-meet-after-work sort of bar/restaurant, i.e. when eating pasta and sucking Oysters can get messy, and it's okay.

I love the food here, but the Happy Hour drinks leave something to be desired. It's nice to have a full bar to order from, but The Globe only offers five different cocktails for $4:

- Glorious Globe - a nice concoction that's tart but not too sweet.
- Cosmopolitan
- Gin Martini
- Apple Martini
- Vodka Martini

If you're a Martini lover, score for you. I don't like Martinis, so there goes half their drink menu. If you're a beer drinker you'll love the $2.50 Tecate and $3 Draught.

My advice to you young professionals on a budget - come here to have an early dinner and a drink or two, then head over to Main Street or the Canal Club/James' Beach to score some action. OR, end your night here if you're starving, because they have a SECOND HAPPY HOUR FROM 10pm-12am. How awesome is that?

The Globe gets:
Food: 9 shots out of 10
Drinks: 7 shots out of 10
Booty Potential: 5 out of 10
Ambience: 7 shots out of 10
Overall: 8 shots out of 10

The Globe also get a special shout out for their second Happy Hour shift from 10pm-12am. For all those times I went to some fast food Drive Thru because I though nothing else was open - DAMN.

Because sometimes you're off work before 7pm...

As a connoisseur of Happy Hours on the Westside, I thought it my civic duty to create a site where people could find and read about the best Happy Hours in the 310. And it won't just be a citysearch listing, oh no - it will be so much more. You'll get an honest review of the drinks, the food, the prices, and most importantly, the people. Because who wants to eat fried calamari with a bunch of losers? Not I.

Enjoy, and Happy Houring!